Ok, so I'm going to get the auto-biographical and personal side of this out of the way with first. I fully intended to keep posting here without any real breaks to my writing, honestly I need the release and platform on which to vent.
My latest post was on the 19th of July, on the 21st my Step-Grandmother died at home. Hence the break. But back to Isabella, she was 91 and six weeks before her death she had been in respite care while my Parents went on a holiday. Her eyesight was deteriorating and her mobility was becoming increasingly more limited, but at 91 the biggest health crises of her life was having her appendix removed at 14.
When she came out of care however, a stay which lasted only 3 weeks, it was with massive haematoma's on both legs due to falls while in care, and more tellingly a diagnosis of Vascular Dementia. Gone was the self reliant ex Nurse, and here was a frail, confused, frightened and very ill woman. She suddenly needed full-time care, and it took 3 of us to provide it.
When she died it was sudden, and she was with her son (my step-dad) with me in the next room over. Meaningless platitudes about having a good innings, and a decent run followed from all, and brought comfort to none. Death itself was quick and I believe painless, but those final six weeks were hell. It was one degradation after another, and there was nothing intrinsically valuable left in life at that point.
She was lacking all in capacity, autonomy and ability for self-determination by the end. She was also lacking in all quality of life, and this was merely a severe 6 week decline. I cannot imagine the assault on the life not only of the sufferer but also on the family that a long term battle with dementia must be, it has left us all shaken, and questioning.
I cannot myself imagine an end more horrifying, and if I could leave legally binding future directives right now setting out a self determined plan for a death with dignity in the event of such a devastating loss of capacity I would have already done so.
The High-Court has thrown the ball to Parliament however via the Tony Nicklinson case, and christ I hope they get their skates on. I don't often praise the current Tory regime, but thank whatever deity you wish that they're not a bunch of religious fundamentalists like their American counterparts. The GOP would proudly proclaim the sanctity of life and let all in it's wake be fucked. I have higher hopes for Europe, and the U.K. in particular. Belgium, Holland, Luxembourg and Switzerland leading the way to dignity and a progressive stance on end of life determination.
I'll leave it at that, I don't want to get bottled down tonight ...
Anon Anon
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